How does one find the words to express what they feel in their heart? For me it is following the overwhelm of emotion and gratitude. That feeling of tingling in my chest. Watering of my eyes. My voice changes and I have to pause to acknowledge and articulate what I am feeling and about to say. It is a beautiful feeling which I have ignored for so long. I dismissed it as being too sensitive. I’ve dismissed it in others as it made me uncomfortable. Now I follow that feeling. I long for that feeling. It is my north star guiding me through life’s choices. When I wrote what I’m going to share in my next post I did not realize how it would impact my life and shape my perspective. It flowed through my heart and everytime I read it I feel that tingle. I wrote it during what I perceived as divisiveness within our world over covid. Now as another world wide issue is being brought to light I can not help but to share. Black lives absolutely matter and I hope in my lifetime we get to a point where all lives matter. Even the ones we deem to be not of value or unimportant. I am curious of how we got to this point of constantly “cancelling” people for their view or what they say. I am curious how we got to the point where we cause physical harm to one another in reaction to words said or things/property being damaged. I am choosing to lead with curiosity to better understand because when I personally lead with my judgements or view it immediately closes the door to anything someone else is saying or feeling. Honestly there is so much I do not know or understand as I only have my life experiences to lead me. That is why I am committed to create conversations around uncovering what we do not know no matter how challenging or how I personally feel. I believe the power to move forward lies in the unknown. Moving forward doesn’t mean we forget or brush this under the rug as most of us have done for so long. To me it means we keep our hearts open and we keep communicating. We are all a product of our life experiences. Those experiences shape our view of the world. So I invite you. No matter where you stand. No matter what color your skin is. To pause and feel it all. The pain, the anger, the fear. Whatever you are feeling is valid and I acknowledge you. I don’t know if there are answers or a solution to so much and a lifetime of bias and hate. Like anything it is going to take constant work and life long conversation to remain open and aware so we don’t go back to our collective mistakes of the past. What I do know is that no one deserves to die because of who they are or who we perceive them to be.
We all seem to be going around in an infinite circle placing blame on each other for various things that we disagree on. I am trying on the idea that there are no facts, only our perspective based on our unique experiences and views. Just as I don’t want my rights taken away or things forced upon me during this covid era. I believe people and companies should have the freedom to put out whatever products they want and it is up to the consumer to choose. As hard as it is to know ingredients may be unhealthy and animals are being slaughtered it is simply my perspective that those things are wrong. My perspective is not a fact. I repeat… my perspective is not a fact. There are unlimited examples of this I could explore as everything I see and do is filtered through my unique perspective. Time to flip the script and consider the alternative perspective of others as they are their truths and valid no matter how uncomfortable. I really really really find that challenging but I also find it creates more mental freedom and peace. I switch the judging/anger to curiosity/understanding which allows for empathy and acknowledgement. I believe that getting angry and making people wrong only pushes us all deeper, blindly into our own perspective/truth. In my mind life is not just black and white. It is far more complex than we wish to know. Right and wrong feel like a simple solution to the majority of “problems” we see in the world. I invite you to consider the complications that adds to everyday life. Try on others perspectives to see how that feels. Maybe see how it feels to get in touch with your truth and the truth of those around you.
I don’t think we will ever know if our response as a society was too much. I’m one to always proceed with caution. You know.. better safe than sorry. But this all just feels a bit much when you start to dig in. You hear reports of nurses being furloughed and hospitals emptying among other things. It’s hard to find the actual truth or facts these days if it even exists. It all seems to be a lot of opinion and personal perspective. My personal perspective leads me down this road. Look at the preventable deaths in this country each year. I’m not saying we shouldn’t take precautions with covid or that it’s not real. I’m just saying we may have overreacted and the staggering amount of preventable deaths from lifestyle/diet, accidental or suicide deserve some thought and more attention at the very least. Not to mention the mental toll this “social distancing” and “quarantine” will have. I don’t fear a virus. I fear us losing our freedom, ourselves and what matters most… our connection as humans and to the world around us. Life has risks, ups and downs and some roller coasters of emotions. But it was meant to be lived in full connection with love for each other and all forms of life. Step out of fear and face the present one moment at a time. It’s time to move forward.
What are we doing as people? Are we really listening to those around us? Do we even truly see someone who is right in front of us? Are things really what they seem? Work, social media, possessions and looking good among other things have consumed many of our lives. Maybe not 24/7 for some but I have felt, lived and observed our lives consumed by so many things portrayed/perceived as so important. In my perfect world there would be nothing more important than the person or people around you. And I’m not just talking about family. I’m talking about your neighbor. The person in line in front of you. Anyone who crosses your path. But again that’s my perfect world which I don’t always live in personally. I’ve caught myself rushing to work and seeing someone on the side of the road obviously needing help. But I don’t stop. I continue on with my day as if my being on time for work or whatever I’m doing is more important than simply taking the time to help or maybe just check on another human being. This used to make me angry. Now I just feel sad. In some aspects the disconnect grows and grows. Other times I’m truly amazed by the consecutiveness surrounding me. It’s not my place to judge or dictate how ones life is lived. But I do feel it is all of our duties as human beings to question ourselves as well as others. To really take stock of what’s going on within and around us. A sense of awareness coupled with connection. Life is a beautiful thing and we all get to choose what makes it beautiful. I invite us all to choose willingly, considerately and knowingly.
Below is something I wrote to my daughter before she was born. It felt strange writing it at first, but looking back I’m glad I did it. Even years ago while exploring my spiritual side I would talk to her and dream of her. It’s like she was waiting for her turn in life and had already chosen us as parents. We just needed to choose each other. The more I dive into my spirituality and honestly just life as I feel being here is a spiritual experience. The more I embrace the unknown. To me spirituality requires a lot of trust and letting go in the face of the unknown. Believing in something bigger and more powerful than ourselves. For me the word I use is Universe. I believe everything and everyone is connected creating a universal power within us all and everything around us.
Where do I begin…
I’ve always dreamt of having a little girl.
I feel like I have been waiting for you my whole life.
I knew the moment your mother and I connected she was something special.
Little did I know she would be the one to make all my dreams come true.
From the moment we started dating it felt like I had known her forever.
Even when times were tough,
something inside me knew she was the one I would love forever.
The best choice I have ever made will always be loving your mother.
I know in my heart that you will love her as much as I do. Maybe more.
If there is one thing you should know,
It is that as my heart continues to grow there is enough love for both of you.
I am excited to meet you and I will always be there whenever you both need me.
I have always wondered what my life’s purpose was. Now I know it is enjoying every moment I have with you and your mom.
The two of you make me a better human.
I love you.
I’ve been really struggling lately with the realization that I won’t be home and able to spend as much time with my wife and daughter. For those who don’t know. We sold our home in CA and moved to AZ in July last year. This move was thought about for years but also there was a lot I never thought about. Since Charlotte was born 23 months ago I’ve been blessed with being able to be home the huge majority of the time. Something most fathers and some mothers do not have the luxury of experiencing. I’ve been present and able to create a unique bond with my family which has allowed us to grow and become closer. It makes me think about the impact this will have going forward. The impact on me is profound but I’m curious the impact on my daughter. Based on current situations I’m not sure the next child (when we decide to have one) will get the same time Charlotte received. It’s kinda like a real life experiment with real life results. I try not to project to far into the future but as I get older life seems to leave me with more questions than answers. I find myself questioning whether providing a certain lifestyle and certain luxuries are really going to matter. Or if my time/presence is more valuable than any object or lifestyle I could provide. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I’m not looking for sympathy as I know how fortunate I am just to be here. In my heart I believe my time/presence is more valuable than anything but I constantly struggle with the balance aspect. Where is that line… when and where should I cross it?
Many of us have no idea what it’s like to be thirsty. We have plenty of water to drink — even the water in our toilets is clean!
But many people around the world don’t have that luxury. Every day, about 1,400 children die from diseases caused by unsafe water and poor sanitation. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are simple solutions like drilled wells, spring protections and BioSand filters that help provide clean water to communities around the world.
I started this fundraising campaign to help charity: water build these types of projects around the world, and I’m looking for anyone who can help me.
Please donate to my campaign — anything you can give is a huge help.
100% of the money will be used to build clean water projects, and when they’re complete, charity: water will send us photos and GPS coordinates so we can see the exact community we helped.
This December the 8th 2018 marks 33 years on this earth for me. I’ve learned a lot, I’ve experienced a lot and I’ve received a lot. Although my life has its challenges as well as it’s ups and downs, I am beginning to realize just how fortunate and grateful I am. So to celebrate 33 incredible years, I am donating my birthday as well as my Christmas this year to help bring a basic daily necessity to as many people as possible. I stumbled upon The Rich Roll podcast, which introduced me to Scott Harrison who operates Charity Water which then led me to Charity Water’s YouTube channel.
With so many issues that need to be solved in this world it can be overwhelming. But for some reason this cause really sank deep into my heart. I invite you to visit YouTube and view some of Charity Water’s videos. Also check out their website. Honestly the thought of not being able to bathe our daughter regularly, her drinking disease infested water and potentially dying from something as basic as diarrhea or dehydration just shakes me to my core. I’ve realized how I have taken so much for granted. In our home we literally have 3 sources of fresh water. We have city water from the faucets and even clean water in our toilets. We have a reverse osmosis system at our kitchen sink which we use for cooking and rinsing food. We even pay monthly to have 5 gallon jugs of fresh spring water delivered which is strictly our drinking water. Our daughter has literally never had “Tap” water in her 1.5 years on this earth. We are fortunate to say the least. Although we will continue this way of living which we have worked hard to achieve. Now that we have seen what Charity Water is doing and the insane impact having clean water has on a community, we simply can not turn our backs and go on with our regularly scheduled lives. We feel it is our honor to help those in need and this is only the beginning. So I invite you to join me and donate $33 dollars to celebrate 33 wonderful years of my life. Feel free to donate more or less. Even $1 makes a difference. If donating isn’t your thing or something is holding you back, please reach out to me for more info any way and time. We aim to make a huge impact so we are also going to donate $33 dollars a month from December 2018 to December 2019. Asking for help is really out of my comfort zone but I’ve realized by doing nothing I’m contributing to the issues of the world. I realized that while I’m being afraid to ask for help or what others will think of me, people are dying. 33 isn’t just an age… it’s the turning point of my life and possibly yours. The year I stop letting possessions and vanity hold me back. The year we make a change which changes the lives of everyone around us.
Here is the link:
I would like to share some inspirational/ uplifting words from a website called http://www.lightworkers.org that my wonderful mother shared with me.
It really explains and captures all these crazy emotions/feelings we all have been having. Do the work and hold on because what comes next is what dreams are made of.
All Aboard Ship 2013 – No Baggage Allowed
The energy excavation bulldozers have moved in and they mean business! They are going deep down into the depths of our being to clear out any remaining stubborn, emotional gravel. You may be experiencing this as extreme heaviness, then extreme resistance, extreme anger, extreme irritability, extreme impatience, extreme frustration, extreme oh aha lightbulb moment, extreme giddy joy, extreme happiness, extreme gratitude, extreme higher perspective wisdom, followed by oh no more extreme heaviness etc etc. It’s all happening, and it’s happening in no particular order of one emotion running into the other. All you know is that it’s happening, it’s unpredictable, the jackhammer hasn’t stopped drilling in days (weeks? all year?) and you wish it would shoosh up already!! But bless Jack the jackhammer because he is under special orders from the future You that exists in 2013 and beyond: To You and all you know, it’s All Aboard Ship 2013 – No Baggage Allowed.
Whenever we do any major renovation overhaul whether it’s cleaning the garage or demolishing a building, there is always plenty of dust and mess involved. Well so too we are all undergoing our renovation overhauls and likewise we are standing in the midst of plenty of our own dust and mess right now. Actually it’s not all dust and mess, it’s more “Oh wow so much dust, big broom sweep, ooooh ooooh super clear super clean, I see myself clearly now, and boy do I see others clearly, oh I think I’m done shift..oh no, oh no, more dust, oh really? Father stuff again? Really? Really? Okay chat to inner child, polish the mirror, okay that’s better, clear again, wooooh, I’m home freeee….what’s that? Inner feminine wants a word? She has needs? Oh man….sorry, I mean, Oh woman!”
Yep it’s all coming out now, thick and fast. Ready or not. In fact, so thick is this dust and mess and clearing process right now that we are alternating between not being able to see outside ourselves very clearly at all, or anything we do see is being seen through the filter of our dust and mess, and on the other hand seeing others so clearly we feel like they are literally see-through. Then again, we could be seeing them via our dust and mess filter, so we can’t be sure if we’re really seeing them or seeing ourselves through them. It’s all starting to feel like a big dream where we wake up and say “Hey I dreamt there were all these people around me, but then their faces started changing, and I looked around, and everyone was me!.” Strange dream huh…
In this dream that’s actually your life, and in this life that’s actually your dream, (dizzy yet? A LOT of people are with you if you are…literally dizzy that is), your emotions are being triggered and heightened like crazy and you may find yourself responding in a really over the top way to people and situations around you. They may not even be doing anything, but you feel they’re doing something. You think they’re doing something. Or not doing something. Or not doing enough. Either way, it’s really annoying you. If you’re having a good day, you may have stopped yourself before letting them have it, and taken a step back to ask yourself hmmm, what’s really going on here? What you’ll find is that ‘they’ may as well not even exist because really your issue is not with them, it is with yourself. And yourself has taken a trip back from the future to trigger you via someone else not acting how you think they should, or some situation not unfolding as you’d hoped it would, to get you to look at something that needs transforming asap prior to boarding the good ship 2013.
You’ll probably find that it’s an old belief or myth you’ve held about yourself or reality that is not only no longer serving you, it is not compatible with where you’re going and it goes under the ‘no baggage allowed’ category. Just to clarify, when I say we’re all going somewhere and boarding a good ship, I’m not talking about being saved by people from other planets or ascending up into the sky. I’m talking about our vibrational move, our perspective shift, our emotional/spiritual graduation into our next phase of evolution. We’re all aboard the good ship Earth and it’s with her that we’re going wherever we’re going as a transformed humanity. Doubting transformation at this point? Well the thing is, Earth is shifting into a higher vibration, and we all have to shift with her. She’s not really asking us if we’re done with the old reality yet. We’re all along for the ride ready or not!
It is time to stand strong by the reality you know in your heart and cells to be true, for example I am loved, I am always supported, I do receive all that I need, good things are happening, and when you hear that pesky little voice trying to convince you otherwise it is a matter of strength and belief in some greater you to say to the doubting you, “I don’t believe you anymore.” It’s not easy and at first you probably don’t even feel like you really believe that you don’t believe in your doubting self anymore. It’s a daily practice, that becomes habit, that gradually shifts how you feel, that translates into actions, that influences what you attract and how you perceive what you attract, and eventually you find that you do believe it. And as we all know we see what we believe.
That has never been more true than it is now, and that truth is increasing in strength by the day – hence why Jack the jackhammer is being so diligent in his job. As the content of our energy bodies increases in vibration, it increases its ability to be felt by us, and to manifest in our lives as the physical equivalent. So you want to be conscious and aware of the content of your energy bodies, and you want to clear out anything that no longer belongs there. The energy excavation bulldozers are making it easy for us. As challenging as it is to be facing in your face inescapable emotions and situations, it is far more challenging to have to dig for years in the dark to try and work out what your issues might be – as many of us know who spent years digging. The quicker you acknowledge whatever it is they are so obviously shovelling in front of you, the quicker they will move on and leave you with a new clear you.
By Dana Mrkich