Getting married is a huge life event and big commitment. Not only is it a big commitment, it is a choice. No matter what denomination you believe in you make a commitment and a choice during the ceremony. Here is a bit of a different outlook. Here we are newly married. We are now legally bound together. We are now committed to each other. I personally looked at marriage as nothing more than a contract signing followed by a party. Everyone is just there for the free drinks and food, right? I thought it was nothing more than another step in my life. It took me some time but I realized it was more than just a commitment or a step forward in life. It was a choice. We chose to marry each other and we choose to stay married every day. We did sign some documents and have a big party afterwards. But it was different and so much more than just a life event. We were surrounded by our closest friends and family who had been there through the ups and downs of our relationship to this point. It was really a special day. A day that changed the way I saw things forever. Although I am very committed to my marriage and love my wife deeply. Commitment always and still sounds like a choice mixed with an obligation to me. I choose my wife. By choosing her as my life partner I feel it takes us deeper than commitment. Deeper than legal documents. Deeper then love. I believe a marriage as well as all relationships are like a recipe. It takes a lot of little things added up to make a beautiful dish. The same is true for relationships. Although every recipe isn’t the same for everyone, I do believe it takes more than love and commitment to make a relationship last and thrive. Some days may be easier to make that choice than others. For me, even when times get tough I remember we are only human and that I am responsible for my own happiness. Probably most of my own sadness as well. If I can offer any advice, it is when times get tough just think back to why you chose and continue to choose this person. Also take responsibility for your own feelings. Only you have the power to make yourself feel sadness or happiness. Do not blame each other, work together because you are a team with a common goal. What is that goal for you?
It has been about 3 years since my last post. Over the last 3 years I have accomplished a lot. I am set to be married to my fiancé of 6 years in about 26 days. I have grown a successful company after many years of struggle. With the help of my fiancé we purchased our first home which we fall in love with over and over every single day. We have traveled to many beautiful places and spent a lot of time with our loved ones.
After reading my above paragraph I look back and remember so many wonderful memories. Yet I still can’t help but feel stuck and in a way unfulfilled. It is like my spirit has been yurning for more or something different. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy with my current life, home and beautiful fiancé. The only way I can explain it is the feeling of something is missing. I find myself constantly saying”there has to be something more to this life”.
The last 3 years I believed I was taking time for myself and building a lasting legacy. When in reality I was stuffing my feelings deep down and doing whatever it took to succeed at the expense of everyone else around me. I have always been kind hearted and generous. Over the last few years I started to feel disconnected and alone. I had literally suppressed every emotion I had felt.Which led to issues in my personal life and business life.
About a month ago I was about to liquidate my company, sell all my possessions and disappear away from everyone I ever knew. The pressure of life and the pressure I put on myself had finally reached a breaking point. I found myself rude to people I cared about and I ran my company only in my best interest with out regard for others at times. Luckily I finally started listening and feeling some of my emotions. I had hidden my passion for spirituality and nature for fear of being different or unliked. Which in some cases only made me more unliked. I feel as human beings we have this urging connection with each other. As much as we try to fight it or be different from the rest, there is always a feeling deep down of unity and compassion.
I meet a lot of people daily who appear to have life all figured out and that are fearless. Once I actually connected and listened to people I started to realize the majority of us have the same concerns and fears. Whether you are a homeless person on the street or a multi millionaire with everything you could ever want. It becomes very apparent that we are all searching for something more.
I still have a long journey ahead of me and I will do my best to continue posting on this blog. Being open, vulnerable and acknowledging my emotions is not really my cup of tea. A few wise people have told me that sitting in that “uncomfortableness” not only helps you grow as a person, it also can lead to ideas and things you least expect.
Life is simple, when we get back to basics… We get back to life.