In my heart

I’ve been really struggling lately with the realization that I won’t be home and able to spend as much time with my wife and daughter. For those who don’t know. We sold our home in CA and moved to AZ in July last year. This move was thought about for years but also there was a lot I never thought about. Since Charlotte was born 23 months ago I’ve been blessed with being able to be home the huge majority of the time. Something most fathers and some mothers do not have the luxury of experiencing. I’ve been present and able to create a unique bond with my family which has allowed us to grow and become closer. It makes me think about the impact this will have going forward. The impact on me is profound but I’m curious the impact on my daughter. Based on current situations I’m not sure the next child (when we decide to have one) will get the same time Charlotte received. It’s kinda like a real life experiment with real life results. I try not to project to far into the future but as I get older life seems to leave me with more questions than answers. I find myself questioning whether providing a certain lifestyle and certain luxuries are really going to matter. Or if my time/presence is more valuable than any object or lifestyle I could provide. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I’m not looking for sympathy as I know how fortunate I am just to be here. In my heart I believe my time/presence is more valuable than anything but I constantly struggle with the balance aspect. Where is that line… when and where should I cross it?

The one to look up to

I always dreamt of having a little girl. Holding her, loving her and raising her. What I did not expect was the profound love I would receive in return. This girl is a lover of all things. Whether you are a person , animal or tree. She gently touches and smells the flowers as she walks by. She gently pets our dog Ziggy and says good boy. She says hello and lovingly touches the trees she encounters. She wraps her arms around your neck squeezing tight and says I love you. She is so deeply and thoughtfully connected with her surroundings. Sometimes I feel as if I’m the one being raised and she is the one to look up to. Her kindness and genuine love constantly remind me of what is true and what is valuable in life. That is just one of the many things my daughter taught me.

Pursuing Dreams

Do something fun this weekend or week. Whenever you get a chance to enjoy life take it. As kids we found joy in every little thing. Everything was new and exciting. If things seem boring and tiresome now… Maybe it is time for a change. Follow your goals, but chase your dreams.

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what dreams are made of…

I would like to share some inspirational/ uplifting words from a website called http://www.lightworkers.org that my wonderful mother shared with me.
It really explains and captures all these crazy emotions/feelings we all have been having. Do the work and hold on because what comes next is what dreams are made of.

All Aboard Ship 2013 – No Baggage Allowed

The energy excavation bulldozers have moved in and they mean business! They are going deep down into the depths of our being to clear out any remaining stubborn, emotional gravel. You may be experiencing this as extreme heaviness, then extreme resistance, extreme anger, extreme irritability, extreme impatience, extreme frustration, extreme oh aha lightbulb moment, extreme giddy joy, extreme happiness, extreme gratitude, extreme higher perspective wisdom, followed by oh no more extreme heaviness etc etc. It’s all happening, and it’s happening in no particular order of one emotion running into the other. All you know is that it’s happening, it’s unpredictable, the jackhammer hasn’t stopped drilling in days (weeks? all year?) and you wish it would shoosh up already!! But bless Jack the jackhammer because he is under special orders from the future You that exists in 2013 and beyond: To You and all you know, it’s All Aboard Ship 2013 – No Baggage Allowed.
Whenever we do any major renovation overhaul whether it’s cleaning the garage or demolishing a building, there is always plenty of dust and mess involved. Well so too we are all undergoing our renovation overhauls and likewise we are standing in the midst of plenty of our own dust and mess right now. Actually it’s not all dust and mess, it’s more “Oh wow so much dust, big broom sweep, ooooh ooooh super clear super clean, I see myself clearly now, and boy do I see others clearly, oh I think I’m done shift..oh no, oh no, more dust, oh really? Father stuff again? Really? Really? Okay chat to inner child, polish the mirror, okay that’s better, clear again, wooooh, I’m home freeee….what’s that? Inner feminine wants a word? She has needs? Oh man….sorry, I mean, Oh woman!”
Yep it’s all coming out now, thick and fast. Ready or not. In fact, so thick is this dust and mess and clearing process right now that we are alternating between not being able to see outside ourselves very clearly at all, or anything we do see is being seen through the filter of our dust and mess, and on the other hand seeing others so clearly we feel like they are literally see-through. Then again, we could be seeing them via our dust and mess filter, so we can’t be sure if we’re really seeing them or seeing ourselves through them. It’s all starting to feel like a big dream where we wake up and say “Hey I dreamt there were all these people around me, but then their faces started changing, and I looked around, and everyone was me!.” Strange dream huh…
In this dream that’s actually your life, and in this life that’s actually your dream, (dizzy yet? A LOT of people are with you if you are…literally dizzy that is), your emotions are being triggered and heightened like crazy and you may find yourself responding in a really over the top way to people and situations around you. They may not even be doing anything, but you feel they’re doing something. You think they’re doing something. Or not doing something. Or not doing enough. Either way, it’s really annoying you. If you’re having a good day, you may have stopped yourself before letting them have it, and taken a step back to ask yourself hmmm, what’s really going on here? What you’ll find is that ‘they’ may as well not even exist because really your issue is not with them, it is with yourself. And yourself has taken a trip back from the future to trigger you via someone else not acting how you think they should, or some situation not unfolding as you’d hoped it would, to get you to look at something that needs transforming asap prior to boarding the good ship 2013.
You’ll probably find that it’s an old belief or myth you’ve held about yourself or reality that is not only no longer serving you, it is not compatible with where you’re going and it goes under the ‘no baggage allowed’ category. Just to clarify, when I say we’re all going somewhere and boarding a good ship, I’m not talking about being saved by people from other planets or ascending up into the sky. I’m talking about our vibrational move, our perspective shift, our emotional/spiritual graduation into our next phase of evolution. We’re all aboard the good ship Earth and it’s with her that we’re going wherever we’re going as a transformed humanity. Doubting transformation at this point? Well the thing is, Earth is shifting into a higher vibration, and we all have to shift with her. She’s not really asking us if we’re done with the old reality yet. We’re all along for the ride ready or not!
It is time to stand strong by the reality you know in your heart and cells to be true, for example I am loved, I am always supported, I do receive all that I need, good things are happening, and when you hear that pesky little voice trying to convince you otherwise it is a matter of strength and belief in some greater you to say to the doubting you, “I don’t believe you anymore.” It’s not easy and at first you probably don’t even feel like you really believe that you don’t believe in your doubting self anymore. It’s a daily practice, that becomes habit, that gradually shifts how you feel, that translates into actions, that influences what you attract and how you perceive what you attract, and eventually you find that you do believe it. And as we all know we see what we believe.
That has never been more true than it is now, and that truth is increasing in strength by the day – hence why Jack the jackhammer is being so diligent in his job. As the content of our energy bodies increases in vibration, it increases its ability to be felt by us, and to manifest in our lives as the physical equivalent. So you want to be conscious and aware of the content of your energy bodies, and you want to clear out anything that no longer belongs there. The energy excavation bulldozers are making it easy for us. As challenging as it is to be facing in your face inescapable emotions and situations, it is far more challenging to have to dig for years in the dark to try and work out what your issues might be – as many of us know who spent years digging. The quicker you acknowledge whatever it is they are so obviously shovelling in front of you, the quicker they will move on and leave you with a new clear you.

By Dana Mrkich

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